The Kings of Bullsh*t Mountain
Why isn't gay dating as straight forward as straight dating?
I’m not referring to shaving a few pounds off a profile, fudging your height, or sharing an outdated photo from your college days. These examples are annoying, but are universal amongst the sexes and genders.
I’m referring to the BS that can only be found on same-sex dating and mating sites.
Last week, while leisurely chatting on multiple sites and apps, from Grindr and Scruff, to Adam4Adam and Realjock, the BS was larger than the dino droppings in Jurassic Park.
Allow me to demonstrate.
Exhibit #1: A tattooed torso was in town from the Midwest. We chatted briefly. I asked for a face pic for trade. I sent mine, and several hours go by without reciprocation. When I followed up, he apologized for not sending one before. Yet he still made no attempt to send one. So I asked again, and he finally sent one. It was low res, with a ball cap pulled down to his eyes. Naturally I asked for a better one, and I sent 3 more of my own to help grease the reciprocation. He replied that he deletes his regularly and has no more. I ask for a Facebook link instead. But all I received were crickets.
Can you imagine a male going silent when a gal asks for a pic that shows his eyes?
I didn’t think so.
Exhibit #2: I hit up a torso taking a selfie in a gym locker room. He seemed professional and put together. However, as soon as I asked to trade face pics, he explained there were too many flakes online to do that so quickly. I didn’t disagree about the flakes, but I asked what his solution was. He had none. So I explaind that’s part of the gamble of Grindr. He said we should meet in person like real men. I explained that a pic is needed to decide if it’s worth spending the time and energy in L.A. traffic for that commitment. I proposed chatting on Facebook. Instead, I got blocked.
Can you picture any female in 2015 meeting a guy for coffee who didn’t have the balls to show his face on a mobile app?
Exhibit #3: A guy unlocked his pics, with only one face pic, hidden in a ball cap, sunglasses, and shadow. I asked if he had any other face pics. He replied that he did, yet he made no attempt to email them or text them. I asked if he planned to add them to his profile. His reply quickly shot back, “I’m no longer interested.” Convenient how that happened only after I asked for a clear headshot.
Can you see a straight guy losing interest in a potential female simply because she asked to see a photo of him without shades?
Neither can I.
Exhibit #4: An older guy I was talking to only had one face pic, taken from the side view. We exchanged close to 40 messages, discussing hobbies, professions, and possibly meeting for gelato. When he asked me how I like to kiss, I asked him for another face pic. His response: “My pics have been open since we started chatting.” I responded that I was showing 3 face pics, and he only had one. His response: “Suffice it to say, you hit the motherlode. Get back to me when you tire of these clowns.” I have no idea how that was relevant to the current conversation, but it’s a clear red flag if someone isn’t willing to exchange more than one carefully cropped profile pic. Since when is reciprocity an insult?
Can you imagine a guy telling a girl to look elsewhere on Match.com when she asks if he has a straight-on head shot?
Exhibit #5: I chatted with a profile whose main pic was of his groin, albeit in swim trunks. (Any groin shot prominently displayed as a profile pic is generally a red flag.) All three pics of his were low-res thumbnails. The one face pic was blown out from the sun, and his eyes hidden behind oversized aviators. I asked if he had any shots without shades. He accused me of being a pic collector. Do these even still exist? I haven’t encountered a pic collector in ages – only guys who use that as an excuse to remain hidden.
Have you ever known a female whose main profile pic was of her bikini bottoms, in a higher resolution than her face pic?
Neither have I.
Exhibit #6: I chatted with a young guy who was admittedly toking out. We exchanged plenty of pictures and conversed for a while. I finally asked if he’d like to meet sometime. He suddenly stopped messaging, although his profile was active online for eight more hours.
Do straight guys make a habit of disappearing only once the girl expresses interest in meeting?
Exhibit #7: I chatted with a moderately attractive guy that lived mere blocks from me. When I asked if he’d like to meet, he invited me over to hang out with a couple of naked guys shooting up in his building. I declined.
Do straight guys ever invite females over once they’ve got three others lined up in the same complex?
None that I’m aware of.
Exhibit #8: I chatted with a very handsome Spanish guy who just moved here from New York. He thought there was a connection and wanted to chat over the phone. We did, and he spent 20 minutes trying to coerce me into having unprotected sex with him.
Sadly, there appears to be a growing population of guys who only have bareback sex. I’m not sure if this is the result of Prep drugs, longer lifespan of living with HIV, or general ignorance, but I’ve chatted online with more guys this year refusing to have protected sex than insisting on protection. Clearly there is something wrong within the community if this is the new norm.
And yet again, how often does a female insist her partner not wear a condom? According to most of my straight friends, not very often.
None of these instances are even possible in the dating world of my straight friends. In same-sex dating, they not only common, but tolerated.
If females do not put up with this bullshit from male singles, why in the hell should we?
A version of this article appeared on Advocate.com as "Gay Singles Accept Nonsense that Women Would Never Tolerate."